30 Minutes or Less

Title: 30 Minutes or Less

Directed by: Ruben Fleischer

Starring: Danny R. McBride, Aziz Ansari, Michael Pena, Nick Swardson, Jesse Eisenberg, Fred Ward

Genres: Action, Comedy

Running Time: 1 hour. 23 minutes

Release Date: August 12, 2011

MPAA Rating: R

Review: While '30 Minutes or Less' does have a few funny moments, the absolute crap of the rest of the film vastly outweighs the moments that might be considered worth while, and the resulting film is of Walk-Out quality. In fact, I did walk out of this one, and unless you're certain you'll live forever, and have 1 hour 23 to spare, don't waste your time.

Grade: 3

The A-Team

Title: The A-Team
Directed by: Joe Carnahan
Starring: Corey Burton, Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson, Jessica Biel
Genres: Action/Adventure, Comedy,
Running Time: 1 hour. X minutes
Release Date: June 11th, 2010
MPAA Rating: PG-13


Review: I am glad the 'A-Team' TV show was before my time, because I saw how disappointed the husband was with film, which for him, was a remake of a beloved childhood series. For me it was just another dumb, sometimes entertaining, frequently boring, action flick. The story line is thin, predictable, and clearly just a means to fire off one-liners and blowing stuff up. A waste of time.

Grade: 3

Law Abiding Citizen

Title: Law Abiding Citizen
Directed by: F. Gary Gray
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Gerard Butler, Colm Meaney, Bruce McGill, Leslie Bibb
Genres: Thriller
Running Time: 2 hour. 2 minutes
Release Date: October 16th, 2009
MPAA Rating: R

Review: I have some quick advice for you, in case you were planning on seeing 'Law Abiding Citizen', not just in the theaters, but ever in your life:
Do not do it. Seriously.

I spent the 2 hours scoffing at the surprisingly appallingly poor acting, the cheap one-liner writing, the numerous and blatantly obvious inconsistencies, the insultingly predictable story line, the "super smart" characters acting like they have an collective IQ of 65, and the all-encompassing FAIL that was the execution of this, although not very original, but somewhat decent idea. Because on paper, this should not be this bad of a film: Jamie Foxx & Gerard Butler, together in a "smart aciton/revenge flick" - sound entertaining, huh? Well, it was not. It reminded me somewhat of last years expectation blow-out 'Righteous Kill', and 'Law Abiding Citizen' will surely follow in the same footsteps come award season. And seriously, both Mr. Foxx's dumb-looking "serious stare", as well as Mr. Butler's ridiculously overused "scowl into the distance" (both of which have kindly been included on the poster...) have both seen better days. Pitiful.

Then again, if you are like a lot of the people out there, who clearly are into really dumbed-down, crappy action flicks (there were plenty of people in the theater clapping in appreciation as the credits rolled), (just check out the yahoo users reviews- over 4000 people collectively gave this film an A-!!!!!!) then this movie is for you.

Grade: 3

Observe and Report

Title: Observe and Report
Directed by: Jody Hill
Starring: Seth Rogen, Anna Faris, Michael Pena, Ray Liotta, Jesse Plemons
Genres: Comedy
Running Time: 1 hour.26 minutes
Release Date: April 10th, 2009
MPAA Rating: R

Review: I absolutely adore Seth Rogen, and I'm a huge fan of his work. Clearly, after this, not all of his work though. I am so bummed, but this movie seriously suck. The first half was tolerable, just not that funny, and then it quickly spiraled out of control, but still not funny. It had a few laughs here and there, but nothing like what I've come to expect from a Seth Rogen film. Bummer. I would say skip this one.

Grade: 3

Watchmen

Title: Watchmen
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Carla Gugino, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson
Genres: Action, Adventure, Science Fiction/Fantasy, Crime, Adaptation, Thriller
Running Time: 2 hour.43 minutes
Release Date: March 6th, 2009
MPAA Rating: R

Review: I've been looking forward to 'Watchmen' for months. It has been weeks since I've seen a movie in the theater, which for me, is a ridiculously long time. So, this movie waste land that has been the last month really added to my anticipation of this film.
I was expecting a balls to the wall, action packed, 20 years in the making, epic movie adaptation of the graphic novel; a film to rival 'Iron Man' & 'The Dark Knight' in this genre. However, Zack Snyder directs (the guy who gave us the war porn '300') and I was hoping he wouldn't go too apeshit. Mr. Snyder has a very unique cinematographic eye, and when he does not completely go over the edge it looks fantastic. I was happy to see that Mr. Snyder showed some restraint and subsequently ended up with [mostly] a pretty great looking film.
However, the film itself is not great. It is too slow to be an action, and too brutal to be funny. Instead of truly adapting the story to film, creating a proper storyline, character build and the other necessary part to make a good movie, they basically shoved almost the entire comic into the film, ending up with just too much of everything and not enough of anything. Except sudden, gory, assault on the eyes, bone-cracking, blood splattering surprise snaps of extreme brutality. There was definitely enough of that.
Very Tarantino-wannabe. Just not as good (but then again, nobody does it like Tarantino).
All in all, a good looking film, with a kick ass wardrobe, and some decent acting performances (Jackie Earle Haley, I'm talking to you) but unfortunately, quite the epic disappointment.

My favorite part: Malin Akerman's fantastic rack. Seriously. She singlehandedly (& toplessly) added another point to my rating. At least. Maybe even 2.

Grade: 3

For the record, Hubby gave this one a 1, something that is incredibly rare. I can't even remember the last flick he gave a 1, where we didn't walk out or shut it off.

Wendy & Lucy

Title: Wendy & Lucy
Directed by: Kelly Reichardt
Starring: Michelle Williams, Will Patton, John Robinson, Will Oldham, Walter Dalton
Genres: Drama and Adaptation
Running Time: 1 hour.20 minutes
Release Date: December 10th, 2008 (limited)
MPAA Rating: R


Review: While running the risk of drowning you in movies, I'm adding another film review to this very lazy day. Wendy & Lucy have had the critics talking for quite some time now, and I've been curious to see it now for a while. Even though, I must admit, I knew nothing about it besides its rave reviews. However, I found the movie to be incredibly beige, mundane, slow, bland, depressive and dull to the point of making me drool out of boredom. The only thing that peaked my interested ever so minutely was the beautiful dog. Without giving away any part of the riveting storyline, I can tell you that there is a turn of events involving the dog that really had me on the edge of my couch cushion. And, due singlehandedly to this dog-related sub plot, I found myself taken hostage by a film that I otherwise would be too bored with to finish. I just had to see the dog part of the story to the end. However, I cannot recommend this film. Especially not on a lazy day like this; lazy day + Wendy & Lucy had me teeter toting on the verge of comatose just now, and I am lucky that I got away with my mental capacity intact.

This also means that I have watched 2 sub-par movies in the same day. Total freak occurrence.

Grade: 3

Righteous Kill

Title: Righteous Kill
Directed by: Jon Avnet
Starring: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, 50 Cent
Genres: Action/Adventure, Crime/Gangster, Thriller
Running Time: 1 hour.40minutes
Release Date: September 12th, 2008
MPAA Rating: R

Review:
This really is one of those movies that look great on paper; De Niro & Pacino, what more do you have to say? And I saw the cinematic trailer a few weeks ago, and it looked awesome, but unfortunately that does not mean much since the trailer editors can make a turd on a stick look like the next big blockbuster hit. I've been snooked by that trick before.
As expected by this crew, the acting was great, but that was basically the only thing on the "Good" list. The "Bad" list is unfortunately about a mile long: the movie was slow, predictable, and all out ridiculous in places. Even the most dim-witted of movie-goers will have the plot pegged straight off the bat. I found myself squirming in my seat, checking the time every couple of minutes, absolutely bored to tears.

Rating: 3